10 reasons that Bell’s Porter is better than Comcast

The choice is clear

Background: In this area, Comcast has a near-monopoly on the “high-speed” internet and cable TV market.  Their shoddy network and poor customer service are legendary.

1. Bell’s Porter does not deceive customers about cost or quality.

2. Bell’s Porter differentiates itself from other competitors by its quality, whereas Comcast has no need to improve its services since competitors do not exist.

3. Bell’s Porter does not charge an “installation” fee.  Comcast’s unavoidable “installation” circus, including the 12+ hr window of waiting, is one of the many hidden inconveniences of doing business with Comcast.

4. You do not have to wait in line for 45+ minutes to return your empty Bell’s Porter bottles, as you must to return your Comcast modem.

5. Comcast will put you on hold as they attempt to resolve the numerous problems that they have created with your account and services.  Bell’s Porter will never put you on hold, and will not create problems on its own unless vigorously shaken or served at very hot temperatures.

6. If the internet connection is flaky, Comcast will blame your equipment rather than admit that their shoddy network is at fault. Bell’s Porter will not blame you for anything, and will not damage your internet connection unless woefully mishandled near electronic components.

7. Bell’s Porter does not increase price without increasing value.

8. Bell’s Porter can give you the courage/stupidity to speak to strangers.  Comcast can give you the anger/rage to yell at strangers.

9. Nearly 500 complaints have been filed with the Better Business Bureau against Comcast.  Zero complaints have been filed again Bell’s Porter.

10. Comcast has been sued for violation of anti-trust laws.  Bell’s Porter is a trustworthy, satisfying beer.


~ by Perry S. on June 12, 2010.

4 Responses to “10 reasons that Bell’s Porter is better than Comcast”

  1. I would like to note: I woefully mishandled a bottle of Bell’s product near (ahem: on top of) electronic components, and even *then* it did not damage my internet connection. At least, not for more than 12 hours (while I waited for said electronic components to dry off). Comcast, on the other hand… well, you know how I feel about Comcast.

    • Come to think of it, I can recall one incident at my former house when a Bell’s product profoundly encountered a modem and router to no ill effect. Perhaps I overstated the danger of tipping Bell’s beers over onto electronics, but I maintain that a loss of connection is at least theoretically possible, especially if multiple bottles are in play.

  2. A question that bears modification: Are you qualified to offer reviews of ISPs? Are you credentialed? Why aren’t they listed on this site?

    • Rather than “reviews”, my writings should be understood as undisciplined and unlearned scornful gut reactions based on extremely limited knowledge and defective olfactory capacities, executed with base motivations of greed, deception, and self-aggrandizement.

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